how to seem well-read

to people who are not particularly well-read

I recently found myself thinking back to Lex Fridman’s infamous reading list, where Lex committed to a speed read of the classics — which managed to offend almost everyone I know in some way or another. I mean, what is the virtue in powering through texts at lightning speed without sufficient time for contemplation? Surely those of us who read these books back-to-back in high school lit would find a reading plan like that to be disgusting and depraved. 

Understandably, you want to avoid the situation that Lex finds himself in. Or you might find yourself at an acquaintance’s cocktail party, full of people you half-know, or even dinner at your girlfriend’s husband’s house, full of people you’ve just met. In any room, you need to stick up for yourself and demonstrate that you’re one of the more sophisticated people there—not just someone who clicks buttons on a laptop for 8-10 hours each day and blindly votes Democrat. In fact, you’re better than anyone else in the room – all because you’ve read American high school literature in the appropriate amount of time.

Step 1: Prepare yourself.

Start by having some books lying around your house. (No Sapiens and no Gladwell.) Used books are great for this—they often have fun notes in the margins which make it look like you’ve actually read them.

(NOTE: If you do the trendy Tik Tok thing where you face books on a shelf inwards so you only see their spines, you will be punished. I’m not sure when, but you will be.)

Prepare an opinion about postmodern epic literature. We’re talking David Foster Wallace, Thomas Pynchon, Willian Gaddis. Is it indecipherable nonsense or full of secret meanings only you understand? That’s for you to decide and you to tell everyone you know. 

Step 2: Initiate a conversation.

It’s always good to open a conversation by describing a book you’ve heard about by its time period and author’s nationality instead of its title. It’s not Pride and Prejudice; it’s early nineteenth century British literature. It’s not Twilight; it’s early twenty-first century American literature. And so on.

Step 3: Lead the back and forth.

It’s never a bad idea to change the topic of conversation to a book they haven’t read.

But if someone levies an accusation at you – e.g. “Don’t you read any women writers?” – you can do what my friend did on his AP Literature exam years ago. Simply make up an author off the top of your head. “Oh yes,” you might respond, “Obviously you’ve read Gramble, right?”

Step 4: Make an impression.

When you’re ready to leave the conversation, don’t be afraid to make a strong exit. You have a book party to go to and you are terrified that you might be fictionalized into a character in the novel. 

Or maybe you just discovered a notice from a debt collector that you owe $182.00 to the University of Chicago Library System.

Or maybe you’re writing a Substack piece, the topic of which is being extremely well-read. I mean, if you’re publishing that sort of thing, who wouldn’t believe you?

——

*I didn’t know much about Lex Fridman, so earlier today I took a look at his most popular episodes. They seem to have one thing in common. Just wish I could put my finger on it.