Gosh I resonate with this so much. Spend a lot of time around musicians and I always downplay my “regular” job when asked because I fear I’ll get the glazed eyes and swift change of subject. I have to remind myself that I worked really hard to arrive where I am and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, even if im not completely devoted to a creative pursuit. Great post and good reminder that we are not our jobs!!
It is such a weird thing, this conversation. Where I live (New Zealand) I think the question is mostly asked in order to find points of connection for more chats, or to understand what “type” of person you’re talking to (that can be insidious obviously). As someone who has not been able to work for many years because of illness, sometimes very distressing illness, but has also published a book and produced a show and done various unpaid personal consulting/support things, I truly have no idea how to answer, and certainly not for all the different contexts in which people ask. I value the things I’ve done and some of them were paid! But if you’re asking how I describe myself so you can know what box to put me in we are now talking about health stuff that can be too personal for this acquaintance-level chat we’re having. And if you obscure that you can’t work, in order not to discuss personal health stuff, people want to know where your money came from, or think writing a book means you’re a “Writer” as your fulltime pursuit and identity. I do not have answers, but I guess, as you say, I wish we could all ease off a bit on how much work plays into identity and assessments of self and others (while not going to that other extreme you describe of avoiding the topic entirely).
Gosh I resonate with this so much. Spend a lot of time around musicians and I always downplay my “regular” job when asked because I fear I’ll get the glazed eyes and swift change of subject. I have to remind myself that I worked really hard to arrive where I am and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, even if im not completely devoted to a creative pursuit. Great post and good reminder that we are not our jobs!!
It is such a weird thing, this conversation. Where I live (New Zealand) I think the question is mostly asked in order to find points of connection for more chats, or to understand what “type” of person you’re talking to (that can be insidious obviously). As someone who has not been able to work for many years because of illness, sometimes very distressing illness, but has also published a book and produced a show and done various unpaid personal consulting/support things, I truly have no idea how to answer, and certainly not for all the different contexts in which people ask. I value the things I’ve done and some of them were paid! But if you’re asking how I describe myself so you can know what box to put me in we are now talking about health stuff that can be too personal for this acquaintance-level chat we’re having. And if you obscure that you can’t work, in order not to discuss personal health stuff, people want to know where your money came from, or think writing a book means you’re a “Writer” as your fulltime pursuit and identity. I do not have answers, but I guess, as you say, I wish we could all ease off a bit on how much work plays into identity and assessments of self and others (while not going to that other extreme you describe of avoiding the topic entirely).
But what do you do for work?